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Thanksgiving Massacre Lays Waste to Island

Turkeyz Gobble Up Waterfront Property



MONSTER ISLAND, Nov. 26 - Once again, Monster Island's cries for thanks fell on deaf ears, as the marauding band of evil turkeys laid waste to the local towns and ate many a citizen.

The former X-Ball team, The Turkeyz, invaded Monster City and the X-Ball Training Village early Thursday morning, and didn't leave until late Thursday night.

"At first," said Ethel Tartuffe, a survivor, "I just felt something shaking the house. I thought maybe we were in for a big storm, but then the roof flew off and I saw a giant turkey looming over the house. I grabbed my four year old son, and eight year old daughter, and lifted them in front of me, trying to say, 'See? I have kids?' But the beast just picked them out of my hands and swallowed them whole. It was horrible, but my children's brave sacrifice gave me more than enough time to escape."

As the shaken populace awakens from its shock, questions are starting to be asked. Why had the protective barriers failed? What happened to the traps that were set? And what of Timmy, the little boy whose trust and love would have saved us all?

Tragically, Timmy was the first to die. Reports vary wildly, but all seem to agree that at about noon on Thursday, Timmy walked slowly down Main Street toward The Turkeyz. He looked up at them with wide, innocent eyes and offered them his favorite stuffed teddy bear. At first, it seemed that the leader of The Turkeyz was shedding a tear, but it turned out to be drool. In one swift movement, he picked Timmy up in his mouth and tore off his legs. For the better part of the day, Timmy's tortured screams of pain and terror echoed throughout Monster City.

With love having lost the day, residents retreated to their homes. The death count is so far at 3,089, down five from last year. "I'd say we've made some improvements," said L. Brainius, Commissioner of X-Ball and Mayor of Monster City. "We had the Reptiles 2 Da Maxx patrolling the island, and I think we really showed those turkeys what's what! Five less than last year! We've sent a clear message to them that we won't take this lying down."

The assembled crowd cheered briefly for L. Brainius before returning to the arduous task of rebuilding their shattered, horrible lives.



Reaction From the Team Captains:



Coolboard Luke Goes Fishin':

11.26.00 - "Okay, so that vacation we all took wasn't exactly what I thought it would be. So we get to the cruise boat, and it's, like, some sort of fishing boat. Then this big burly guys grab us, and I took out, maybe, fifteen of them before we submitted. We spent a week hauling fish from the Carribean to Norway. What's up with that? Haven't they ever heard of airplanes? Seriously. I just bought "The Perfect Storm," on DVD, and now I don't even think I want to watch it. That's like, thirty bucks down the drain. Plus the several thousand dollars I spent to be enslaved for a week."

Vengeance Apologizes Profusely:

11.26.00 - "Yes, I know we were supposed to protect Monster Island from murderous turkeys, specifically The Turkeyz, but we were, um, on the other side of the Island when they attacked. Look, we weren't the one's holding our leashes, were we? No. It was the Nakamaji Corporation's Security Drones who led us to totally the wrong place. And made us stay there all day. And read poetry. At a picnic."

"I had the best stuffing this year," says Gridiron:

11.26.00 - "I had the best stuffing this year. My mom made it the same way she does every year, but this time, I don't know what it was... What's that spice... Cumin. That's it! It was just... delicious. I must have had three or four plates full. I have some in the fridge if you want. No? Okay. Hey, did anything happen while I was gone?"

Amanda Denies Flowers' Involvement:

11.26.00 - "Look, we've been over this again and again. We Flowers were in the Arena the whole day, training. I never sees the Turkeyz. I don't knows the Turkeyz, and no one on my team knows the Turkeyz. Plus, why do we want to hurt the pitiful humans? We likes the humans. They are our fans and tastes delicious. Did I say tastes delicious? I meant scrumptious."