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Monster Island Residents Prepare for Thanksgiving

"Bad times a comin'," warns ugly old man



MONSTER ISLAND, Nov. 19 - With next weekend's Thanksgiving celebration rapidly approaching, Monster Island residents have begun to batten down the hatches in preparation for the coming onslaught.

Every year on Thanksgiving, while American families are sitting down to a tasty meal of turkey, the Monster Island turkeys prowl around for a tasty meal of human. Although the death count has dropped in recent years, due mainly to the institution of mandatory "Turkey Preparedness" classes for all Monster Island residents, a real threat still exists.

Ten years ago, Monkeys Who Play Sports were still at the top of their game, X-Ball had survived its brief glam rock phase, and The Turkeyz were one of the most popular teams ever to play the sport. Then everything started to go wrong. Well, actually, just one thing went wrong. The Turkeyz just went crazy and started eating people, retreating to the maze of caves below Monster Island to survive for the rest of the year. But on Thanksgiving, they come out to wreak their terrible revenge.

"Ayup," says some ugly old man. "Them Turkeyz are quite scary for some. But for me, they mean big business! I've a been sellin' literally tons of stuffin' over the past few days." He paused to chew on his tobacco, and then continued menacingly, "Stuffin's the only thing'll keep those Turkeyz at bay..."

L. Brainius, the Commissioner of X-Ball, and a former friend of The Turkeyz, had this to say: "Listen, this won't be the first time X-Ball has spawned some monstrous evil that threatened the entire world. Nor will it be the last. But by god, the cluck stops here!"

After pausing for a long groan in response to L. Brainius' terrible pun, the assembled crowd cheered, and in a short montage sequence set up traps for The Turkeyz, including pits filled with jellied cranberries, catapults loaded with Stove Top, and a small boy named Pepe, whose offer of friendship and innocence will most likely teach The Turkeyz the error of their ways.

Now, with only days left, the Monster Island residents can only wait. And pray. And eat pumpkin pie. Mmmm...



What will the X-Ball team captains be doing for Thanksgiving?:



Coolboard Luke's Wacky Vacation:

11.12.00 - "So me and the boys are gonna go on one hot vacation. I'm readin' the X-Ball Sporting News one day, and I notice this huge ad for Tropical Vacations, which are dirt cheap if you take a group. I had some money lying around, so I bought a pack of thirty tickets, which given how cool it all sounds, I'll be able to sell, no prob. Get this: 5 night cruise to eight different islands, food and water included. Must be willing to carry heavy crates. Only $899! Dude! I don't even carry luggage, so forget about this crate thing. Hey, you wanna come? I'll sell you a ticket, cheap."

Reptiles on Patrol:

11.12.00 - When asked about his Thanksgiving plans, Vengeance replied: "Originally, we were going to take a break and try to sleep this Thanksgiving, but Nakamaji Corp. thought it would be best, given the Islander's drive to destroy the Turkeyz menace, that we help out. So, instead of taking naps for the first time in months, we'll be tied to leashes and walked endlessly around Monster Island, battling giant turkeys. I don't know if you can tell by the tone of my voice, but I'm not a happy camper."

"Weesa a goin' home!" says Gridiron:

11.12.00 - "The rest of the monkeys and I have been training quite hard for the past week or so, so I decided it was time for a break. So we're going home for the holidays. I'm going to Detroit, Hoops to New York, Links to Florida, Puck to Scotland, and Starr to Hollywood. Speaking of Links, he was hoping the Palm Beach electoral board received his absentee ballot. He sent it Fed Ex yesterday. Let us know."

Two words: Eating. Rabbits:

11.12.00 - When asked about her Thanksgiving plans, Amanda had this to say: "We will be staying on Monster Island for Thanksgiving, which is our favorite holiday, because we are very thankful for the chance to eat so many rabbits. We loves to eats the rabbits. Filleted, fried, in gumbo, on a stick, sauteed, in pies, etc., etc. Also, we likes to eats the cranberry sauce. And dress up likes the pilgrims. And spends time with the family... of rabbits that we eat."