Meet the Arena Gardener, Abe Gondola!

"Ayup, I don't got no time to par-teh, what with all the planting I have to do," said Abe in an interview with X-Ball Tonite host Bif Larkin. "I got to make sure the little seedlings are fresh and ready for action. If a single piece of grass on the field is out of place, that could spell disaster for the game."

He went on to relate a story about Amanda, team captain for Bunny Pickin' Flowers: "Bout three years ago, I was alone in the arena, workin' from one end to the other, making sure each blade of grass pointed straight up for the game the next day, when in walks Amanda. Now, I don't truck with no talkin' flowers, and they don't mess with me. But here, she's walkin' right across my place of work. So I look her in the fiery death pits she calls eyes, and say, 'Hey missy, you can't just step all over these blades, I've been workin' hard here.' Now I thought she was gonna kill me, but instead, she turns around, barks out an order, and all the grass comes to attention, just like that. Saved me five days of work. I thanked her, and went on with my business."

"I do important work here, and right before the season starts, I got even more to do," continued Abe. "Now listen, I gotta get back. Grass doesn't grow itself, you know." Neither does astroturf, which no one has told Abe the grass was replaced with two years ago.