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GO CHECK OUT THE NEWS ARCHIVES ->>

After the earth was conquered and subsequently enslaved by a hoard of Demons two weeks ago, construction on the Planetary Bridge Project (PBP) began.

Utilizing the billions of humans "employed" in slave pits all over the globe, the Minions of Hell set about building a gigantic bridge from the Earth to the Moon. They then planned to build bridges from the moon to "whichever planet [was] closest," and take over the solar system from there.

However, a wrench was thrown in the gears by the Bunny Pickin' Flowers, or, as they are currently being called, the Bunny Pickin' Freedom Fighters.

As the Planetary Bridge neared completion, and the assembled demonic masses gathered to cross towards the moon, a loud explosion was heard in Southern Africa.

While all the demons looked that way, the Flowers snuck onto the bridge and planted several nuclear warheads, wrapped in C4 and bottles of acid, at various checkpoints.

They managed to get off the bridge just before the Demons all looked back, and the crossing began. Once the entire former population of Hell was safely on the Moon, the Flowers ran to a tiny red plunger and attempted to blow the bridge. But something was wrong!

Unfortunately, the charging trigger at the exact center of the bridge had become disconnected at five different places, and it needed five people standing on the bridge to plug them back in, and set off the explosion. Which, on reflection, was probably a major design flaw.

By this point, the Hell Beasts had noticed that the Flowers were scrabbling back onto the bridge, as well as the large chunks of nuclear warheads. As the Demons began to storm back over the bridge, the Flowers ran towards the faulty nuclear devices, prepared to sacrifice their lives for the good of the earth.

At he last possible second, they were pushed out of the way, by the Marshmallow Strike Force. Smortalio, captain of the MSF, looked straight at the camera (as there were cameras broadcasting to every television station in the world focused perfectly on Smortalio's face), and said, "Never send a Flower to do a Marshmallow's job."

The explosion was gigantic, and destroyed most of Russia. But the Bridge was also destroyed, and the Demons trapped on the Moon! Earth rejoiced, and ate the delicious roasted flesh of the Marshmallow Strike Force, so that they would always remember their sacrifice.

Things are expected to return to normal tomorrow.