In Case You Missed It...


Gary Helmersparkz is an ideal student. Good at his grades, friendly with his peers, played Varsity on his high school's X-Ball team. That's why we asked this Tempe, Arizona native to write a bi-weekly diary during his time here at XBU. Sure, he got here on academic scholarship. Sure, he got his Varsity letter by being the only player to show up to every practice session. Sure, the peers he was friendly to never answered him even if he addressed them directly. But we hope that if you're thinking of coming to XBU, or if you're a parent of a child you'll be forcing to play X-Ball to fulfill your own shattered dreams, you'll enjoy Gary's "take" on life here at the University. So we give you, Front of the Class: The X-Ball University Diaries.

Read More ->>




GO CHECK OUT THE NEWS ARCHIVES ->>

X-Ball Finals Postponed Indefinitely
"Violence is not the answer," says Nakamaji


Monster Island, 10.17.01 - The X-Ball Finals third game was interrupted by the appearance of an elite team of Marshmallows this Sunday, leading to the announcement that the Finals themselves may no longer happen.

With the third game of the finals in full swing, the Extreme Snowmen had already gotten rid of the Monkeys Who Play Sports, and creamed Dream Street (the boy band/Minor League Team Special Celebrity Guests). The Flowers were holding strong, and the Reptiles 2 Da Maxx were revving up to challenge both teams, plus Ernie Villa's Chumerator (a giant robotic refrigerator filled with shark bits).

Suddenly, out of the sky dropped Hiro Nakamaji's Marshmallow Strike Force, who stopped the game and calmly ushered the audience out of the arena.

Answers came later in the day when Nakamaji held a press conference. He stated that, "I was watching the game up in the Zeppelin of Triumph with my good friend L. Brainius, enjoying the Monkeys crazy antics, the Reptiles fight for freedom, the Flowers heartbreaking loss of teammate Kimberly, and the Snowmen's heroic return to the top of the game. Suddenly, it hit me. It's not appropriate to be holding the most violent Sports Finals in the world at a time like this."

Nakamaji continued, "There's a lot of pain in suffering in the world right now, and I can't keep ignoring it, as if X-Ball were just some fantasy sport existing only in the minds and imaginations of children everywhere. X-Ball is real. The question is, are you real?"

After checking to make sure everybody was, in fact, real, Nakamaji declared that as of next week, X-Ball would be fundamentally changing the way it is played and, more importantly marketed.

"Times change. People change," said Nakamaji in conclusion. "But friends... are forever."