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Ernie Villa Instituted as X-Ball Training Supervisor Timing Not Suspicious At All | |
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| Monster Island, 08.01.01 - Nakamaji Corp. officially announced the hiring of Ernie Villa as Training Supervisor Thursday in order to properly prepare the "worthless bag of fat" X-Ball Players for the X-Ball Finals next month.
Ernie Villa, who appeared out of nowhere to get the job, which no-one has ever heard of before, was excited to begin training immediately. "I'm going to take these rich fancy-pants X-Ball Players," said Mr. Villa, "And make them die. Did I say die? I meant die-cast. Like, forged in iron. They'll be tough. There you are." Training has already begun for the Extreme Snowmen, Bunny Pickin' Flowers, and Monkeys Who Play Sports. Exercises include: Eating Razor Blades, which helps toughen up players; Acid Bath, which helps relax the muscles; and Peeling Your Arms Like a Banana, which is self-explanatory. Reptiles 2 Da Maxx, on the other hand, have had a rare respite from torture since Villa has begun his training supervision. Daily branding has been eliminated entirely, and rations have been increased to two crusts of bread and an extra bowl of water on the weekend. This applies to all players except Rage, who Villa has been stretching on the rack for three days, so he "can be as tall as everybody else," and is due to be cut in half, "to see if we can make two of him, like a worm." Suspicious X-Ball fans have questioned both Ernie Villa's methods and his sudden appointment. Hiro Nakamaji, President of Nakamaji Corp., responded thusly: "Ha, ha, ha." The question remains though, who is Ernie Villa, the person some people like to call Mr. Villa, or Mr. E, or Mr. E. Villa, and when did he buy his house on Ville Lane, one of the posher districts on Monster Island. Perhaps one day we'll unveil the Mr. E., and whether he is a Ville Lane. Resident. A Ville Lane resident. Right.
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