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Violence Exposed An X-Ball Online Special Report | |
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| Monster Island, 06.13.01 - It is Sunday afternoon on Monster Island. Outside the X-Ball Arena, everything is quiet. Cars are parked neatly, people have taken their seats. But something is wrong. Where are the screams of terror? The cries for blood? The sound of limbs hitting the ground?
This past Sunday, there were none of these sounds, as Monster Island residents watched the shortest game in X-Ball History. And so we ask the question: is there no violence left in X-Ball? Abe Gondola, X-Ball Arena groundskeeper, seems to think so. "Seems to me there was a time we could 'spect no survivors from an X-Ball game," he said, mere hours after Sunday's game. He paused to pull of his grizzled X-Ball hat, and wipe his brow. "Now, nobody dies. Heck, at this point, I'd be surprised if a minor league team didn't last more than one game. We're livin' in sad times." Hiro Nakamaji, president of Nakamaji Corp., doesn't agree: "X-Ball is just as unnecessarily violent as it's always been. I'm upset that the Reptiles won by default last week, but the teams have all been talked to, and, in some cases, whipped. See? That's violent." Fans seem divided by the issue. Some feel that the violence hasn'ty diminished, just the death toll. Others feel that you can't have one without the other. Others still feel violence should be eliminated from X-Ball entirely, but that's just Hoops. "Look at my new CD," said Hoops, referring to his newly released album The Gospel According to Hoops, Vol. 2: Perpetuatin' Da Cycle of Vi'lence. "It's ironicly titled. I hate violence. That's why I set up X-Ball Kidz Kampz. And that's why they had to make my first CD without me knowing about it. But I made this one by myself, in my basement." Critics have called Hoops' new album: "Piss poor (Rolling Stone);" "Some of the most inept songwriting I've ever heard. I'd rather listen to myself vomit continuously for forty-five minutes (Spin Magazine);" "Awesome! A tour-de-force! Hoops is the next hot star! (Ridgefield Press)." But the question remains. Is X-Ball too un-violent? Only time will tell. That, and Nakamaji, who has promised that, "By the end of this season... somebody's gonna die! Stay tuned."
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