"Gotta Finish My Thesis"

As early as yesterday morning, reports began to surface that Gridiron, the team captain of the Monkeys Who Play Sports and valedictorian-to-be of XBU Class of Summer 2001, would have to pull an all-nighter to finish his ambitious thesis, a paper detailing the socio-political climate of violence in X-Ball and its effects upon the young minds it so depends on for an audience.

"Over breakfast he was telling me how little work he had done on it, how he hadn't done any of his research yet," said Puck, a fellow Monkey. "And how if he was going to finish he'd have to forgo the dorm party that Irma was throwing. But that obviously didn't happen, 'cause I heard him telling the exact same story to Hoops at the party." According to unconfirmed reports, he left the party at three in the morning, vowing loudly to "hit the books." According to roommate Adrenaline, however, Gridiron went straight to bed and didn't get up until 9 in the morning when he went to breakfast with the Monkeys.

"While we were eating," said Starr, "he wouldn't shut up about his hellish night. How he could barely stay awake. And for some reason, he brought his thesis with him to breakfast. I mean, come on! The thing was, like, 400 pages long. There's no way he could've written it in five hours, let alone print the damn thing. Besides, his review wasn't till three. So why'd he bring it?"

Hoops alone came to Gridiron's defense. "It was obvious that he had spent several months working on this and wanted us all to be impressed, and not think he was some sort of bookworm. Of course, I would've found it impressive no matter how long it took him to write it - he makes some very good points about the political ramifications of legalizing the public broadcast of X-Ball. Also, he ultimately comes down against the violence in X-Ball, which I whole-heartedly agree with."

Gridiron's slacker posturing aside, it's perfectly obvious that he's a little goody two-shoes who likes to study for fun and hang out with nerds.