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XBU Graduation More Like "Annihilation" Tensions lead to dismemberment on a mass scale | |
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| Monster Island, 05.23.01 - X-Ball University's 148th Commencement ceremony ended in tragedy this past Sunday, when an off-hand remark by X-Ball University President L. Brainius led to the eruption of a large-scale riot.
In an effort to make graduation ceremonies more exciting for the students, the exiting class had been separated into two groups: shirts; and skins. The students were then told that an intramural X-Ball game involving all 2,500 2001 graduates would commence following the ceremony. However, a rumor began spreading that when L. Brainius finished his commencement speech, the skins team was meant to take the shirts from the shirts team, and the shirts team was meant to take the skin from the skins team. As L. Brainius finished his remarks, the students looked on with giddy anticipation, ready to strike. Then, at the appointed time, L. Brainius finished his speech with the phrase, "Let the games begin." Taking this as a cue, the students proceeded to kill each other, while horrified parents looked on. "I mean, it's not really a big loss," said L. Brainius after the horrific tragedy. "There's three more classes in the school right now, raring to go. Plus, we've lost plenty of graduating classes before. 1923-1934, for example. And most of the classes in the 80's were slaughtered down to four or five graduates. Honestly, I'm surprised they all lasted so long." Monster Island Police are looking into the causes for the deaths, with parents eager to blame the violence inherent in X-Ball, video games, and movies. Monster Island Police, however, are eager to blame the parents.
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