Chops Student to Bits

An X-Ball University Professor was discharged yesterday for disproving the maxim, "The pen is mightier than the sword."

Dr. Howard Rosen, professor of the popular "Weapons of the Mind," class in the History Department, challenged eighteen year-old Jeremy Levin to a duel yesterday. Levin was armed with a bic pen, Rosen with a rapier. After removing Levin's hands, he proceeded to chop him into bit-sized bits in front of a horified class that was unable to look away.

"It was like a car crash," said an anonymous student. "Except, of course, that it was much more disgusting, and we probably could have stopped it."

L. Brainius, Commissioner of X-Ball, and President of X-Ball University, condemned the actions of Professor Rosen, and reminded Professors to save the killing for the X-Ball Arena, where it belongs.

At this point, it is unclear what Professor Rosen will do next, although he was last seen trying to crush two pigeons with a rather large stone.