Team doesn't respond to leech treatments

The Hemophiliacs, the Minor League team injured during a dancing incident last week, continued to worsen despite constant care.

"We've tried everything," said Dr. Leonard, the top physician at X-Ball University Hospital. "Leeches, bleeding, even poking them with needles to arouse any of their four humours. Nothing seems to work."

Sexy Sexy Pirates, the on deck minor league team who feel responsible for The Hemophiliacs condition have spent every moment trying to help them out.

"We feel terrible," said Kara Kutlass, the Sexy Sexy Pirates team captain. "We regularly hold pillows over their faces, so they're comfortable. We even unplug their life support occasionally, to encourage them to breathe on their own. We just don't know what to do."

According to Dr. Leonard, if The Hemophiliacs don't get better soon, they may need to disembowel them to get an accurate entrail reading.