This ain't the minors, kid - this is the big leagues. This ain't for chump change, neither. But it ain't easy. It's hard work. It's long hours. It's death, pain, and sweat. But stick with me, do as I say, you'll be fine. You got me, maggots?

100 Level Courses

Introduction to Physical Education - PE 101

This class is your first step into the larger, terrifying world of X-Ball in which death is constantly nipping at your heels. Emphasis on dribbling, drooling, and salivating as well as the intimidating art of running away from your opponent in times of extreme danger.

Rules of X-Ball - PE 105

Everyone knows the rules of X-Ball, stupid! So just get out there and play. If you mess up,we kill you.

X-Ball Rules - PE 106

It certainly does.

Winning X-Ball - PE 110

The most important class you'll ever take at XBU, this class teaches you how to take a bunch of whiny, sorry losers and turn them into an efficient winning machine. If you ever lose an X-Ball game again, it's because you didn't pay enough attention in class.

200 Level Courses

Victory Dancing I - PE 220

When you win, which you will if you paid attention in PE 110, you're going to want to do a little gloat dance. This class will help you find the right mix of hip-hop attitude and macho bravado to truly express your inner jerk.

Victory Dancing II - PE 221

A continutation of studies begun in Victory Dancing I, students will learn how to get other players in on the act, and how a scruffy bunch of misfits can rile up the crowd with a hilariously choreographed dance number.

Outward Bound - PE 286

Explore the beautiful barren wilds of Monster Island and bond with your fellow classmates by playing Trust Fall, Human Knot, and Truth or Dare. Go rafting, hiking, climbing and squirrel-eating. Pretend you're actually a rugged camper and not a soft little city marshmallow.

300 Level Courses

Digging Your Own Grave - PE 326

Important if you ever play the Bunny Pickin' Flowers. Bring your own shovel.

Killer Tae-Bo - PE 357

This is the Tae-Bo you won't learn from any mail-order tape. Tae-Bo creator Billy Blanks will teach how to stay in shape while mercilessly slaughtering your enemies - on and off the field. Students using Killer Tae-Bo off the playing field are recommended to also take VAGU 359

Graduate Courses

Mutating at Will - PE 440

Learn to use the power of your mind to transform your every thought into a powerful mutagens. Manipulate height, voice, skin, and claw length. Tragic mutations that cause extensive soul-searching highly encouraged.

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