Dear Applicant:

X-Ball University began in 1855 with a radical premise -- that the art of collaboration and the violence of X-Ball are somehow teachable, though no university had yet tried to teach them.

We define X-Ball as any sport in one plays the game of X-Ball. Our view is that the greatest players, from geniuses of the past like Hiro Nakmaji and Barbarian Joe, through 20th century masters like L. Brainius, Old Silverback, and Amanda the Flower, have sought to play X-Ball, and therefore, so should you.

X-Ball University is a four-year Bachelor's program specially designed to focus your anger and hatred to create an engine of sports destruction. Students and faculty include potential X-Ball players, Nakamaji Executives, and Minor League teams who will quickly become chum.

Fieldwork includes saturation in other people's blood and sweat, as well as non-stop instruction and pummeling by our distinguished faculty. Professional X-Ball players are brought in throughout the course of your studies to weed out the weak and identify the strong. Your four years at X-Ball University culminate in X-Ball: The Graduation -- an event which few, if any survive.

Enclosed you will find our X-Ball University application. Please don't feel daunted by its length; feel free to answer honestly--as if we were all sitting together at a table having a conversation about this death-sport and sharing our thoughts about it.

We encourage you to say exactly what you feel in response to our questions and prompts and not to second guess "what we are looking for." We are simply looking for honest answers and a chance to get to know you and your fondness for total domination, on the field or off.

All final candidates for admission to the program will be required to be on Monster Island on June 23-25, 2002 for a personal interview, a chance to meet current students and alums, and a variety of other program-related activities.