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Vital Stats Age: 23 Height: 5'4" Weight: 160 lbs. Eye color: Unknown (covered by shades) Wants: Money, fame Loves: Fans Hates: People who don't know who he is | Download Starr's Trading Card! To view and print this card, you're going to need Adobe Acrobat Reader. Just thought you'd like to know. 
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The Starr Report by Sheila Crenshaw Exclusive to www.xballonline.com He's hot. He's sexy. He's Starr! But when the sunglasses come off, who is he? Could he possibly maintain his intense level of stuntmonkey cool all day, everyday? Could anybody really be that awesome? These are the questions running through my mind before our meeting at Greenblatt's Deli in Hollywood. It's mid-November here in California, where Starr is filming his latest movie, Powder Keg, about an international terrorist ring operating a ski instruction school. Also starring Laura Dern and Jason Patric, Powder Keg is sure to blow away the summer competition this year. But Starr doesn't want to talk about the movie. He breezes in three minutes late, in cargo khakis, a No Doubt t-shirt, and an Extreme Snowmen hat pulled resolutely down over his trademark sunglasses. Sitting down, he apologizes for being late. No need, I tell him, I just got here myself. Sure you did, he winks. I find myself blushing. Am I Starrstruck? I can hardly believe it. This megawatt star, so confident and brash both on the big screen and on the field, is so humble, charming, and gee-whiz earnest that I find all my preconceptions melting away like rivulets of sweat off a duck's back. We order our food (me a corned beef on rye, he a hummus-red pepper wrap, hold the aioli mayo) and sit down to business. As he wolfs down his delicious sandwich, he answers each one of my questions as best he can, peppering his answers with playful finger snaps and knee squeezes. I begin with the basics. Q: So. How did you get so famous? A: See, I never really got famous, see. I was always famous in my own mind. In my bedroom in my parent's tree, I would always be falling off the bed, throwing myself through the window, trying not to hurt myself too badly, that sort of thing. So when I started working in Hollywood, I knew I was gonna be huge. It was just a question of when, not if. So it's not like I changed to get famous - everybody else just took notice of a star that was already shining, like, really bright. Q: Who gave you your first break? A: Again, that was pretty much me. I told myself that I could do anything, and so I did. I just went out and did it. You could say that I hired myself to be a huge international star. Q: But surely you had some help. Somebody who let you into the studio, gave you an assistant position? A: No, not really. I just started showing up to work. See, Paramount was filming this low-budget war epic starring Kurt Russell and Judy Gold called... called... um... oh, that's right, Wages of Weapons of War. And I knew they would need me on that picture to save it. So I just scaled Paramount's walls, crept into Soundstage 17 and got right to work. Anytime you see Kurt Russell looking a bit hairier than usual jumping out of a burning bus or whatever, that's me. Q: Did you get paid? A: (laughing) No, no. They barely even let me be on the set. See, Kurt Russell already had his own stuntman there, but I kept chloroforming him and spreading rumors that he had this horrendous 'lude problem. I would talk about pill-poppin' this and pill-poppin' that until the director was just like, shut up and do the damn stunt. Though you'll notice, I do bear a striking resemblance to Kurt Russell, which was lucky for me. Kurt wouldn't talk to me, though. He's really let that big-time stardom thing go to his head. He doesn't talk to the help. Unlike me, of course. I talk to my help all the time. (yelling) Clean the floors, jerkoff! I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Q: Was there ever a time you doubted your own abilities? A: No. Q: Okay, so fast-forward to the present: how did you get into playing X-Ball? A: It just kinda happened, to be honest. The Monkeys Who Play Sports needed an extra monkey (and some extra glamour, too, but we don't need to talk about that) and there I was, one of the most famous monkeys in the world. They called my agent, and that was that. I had to learn a bit about the sport (never really watched it much). But since bonin' up, it's been a perfect fit. Besides, I'm much more of a real monkey, if you know what I mean, than that Curls. I mean, Broom of Power? Come on. Ridiculous. Q: So what do you bring to the X -Ball field that the others monkeys don't? A: Attitude, with a capital X! So I guess you'd have to spell it Xattitude, with the X being silent. But seriously, I bring some fun back to the team. I'm a shot in the arm, man! I'm just trying to entertain the fans, give something back. But the rest of the monkeys - don't get me started. I mean, Gridiron? He's an icecube! So earnest and serious, no wonder nobody cared about the Monkeys anymore. Q: But aren't the Monkeys Who Play Sports the X-Ball crowd favorites? A: I don't know what you're talking about. Q: Do you have time for one more question? A: No. And with that one word, he was gone from my life. But I'll never forget him, that monkey whose heart is so big, it could crush the world. [Ed. Note: She means head. Head so big it could crush the world.] Sheila Crenshaw is a freelance journalist whose prior articles have taken her to Encino, Venice Beach, Malibu, and, of course, Englewood. She lives alone with her three cats, Jellybean, Popcorn, and Freckles. | ||
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