Vital Stats

Age: 22

Height: 2'7"

Weight: 73 lbs.

Eye color: Coal

Wants: Respect, self-esteem, hearing

Loves: X-Ball, his wife Cindy

Hates: Snowball fights, short jokes

Pipsqueak began his little life on November 28th, 1978. As legend tells us, he was created by two unknown schoolchildren from Lincoln, Massachusetts. Waiting for their neighborhood schoolbus, they decided to build a snowman to pass the time. But the schoolbus arrived sooner than they had expected, and they were forced to abandon their creation. Still only a semi-conscious head, Pipsqueak realized that if he didn't act quickly, he would be brutally crushed out of existence. With supreme effort and a lot of grunting, he managed to gain enough momentum to roll himself to the edge of a nearby forest. With a lot more wild, wild rolling, he lodged a stick in each ear, rendering himmobile yet partially deaf.

Life was not easy for the little fella at first. An easy target for bullies, who would steal his arms, he was the runt of the playground. Depressed and sad, he would often retreat to the solace of his room at home and watch X-Ball late into the night. Although he dreamed that he would one day become a world famous X-Ball player, he knew, in his heart, that that day would never come. "Those bullies are right," he would think to himself. "I really am not worth the frozen water I'm made of." But all that changed, onefateful day in high school.

It was April of Pipsqueak's last year at Hewson High School, and the graduating class was afflicted with a severe case of senioritis. Instead of attending their 2:15 Ethics & Morality seminar, a gang of your average mutant cockroach hooligans were organizing a pick-up game of X-Ball out on the school fields. Pipsqueak, passing by on his way to class, stopped to watch. The leader of the cockroaches, a ruffian by the name of Saprophyte, called out to him: "Hey, runt! Let's play some X-Ball!" Saprophyte threw the synthetic X-Ball they wereplaying with at Pipsqueak's head.

This was the moment Pipsqueak had been waiting for. In a move he's since patented, he grabbed the X-Ball with one hand while scuttle-jumping sideways with the other. The cockroaches, outclassed in both speed and agility, stood and marveled at the spunky snowball that could! They challenged him, then and there, to a game - cockroaches vs. Pipsqueak. News quickly spread throughout the school of an amazing X-Ball game, and soon the entire population of Hewson High School watched in amazement as Pipsqueak bested the roaches in four straight games. That night, Pipsqueak received a call from an X-Ball University scout, offering him a full ride. The rest, as they say, is history: a glittering intramural career at XBU, followed by a quick leap into the majors. For someone who's life hadnever been easy, something finally was.

Today, Pipsqueak values his success more than ever. After being drafted into the Extreme Snowmen, he celebrated by marrying his college sweetheart, Cindy, with whom he pledges to create a family. Though things could be better for the Extreme Snowmen, things have never been better for Pipsqueak, the snowball with a heart of gold.