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GAME 3 WINNERS: | 
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COMMENTARY BY... | 
| Reptiles Take the LeadSnowmen Resurgent? |
| GAME STATS |
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Games Played: 3 Flowers: 2 for 3 Eliminated 2nd Quarter Monkeys: 0 for 3 Eliminated 3rd Quarter Reptiles: 1 for 3 *Winners* Snowmen: 0 for 3 Eliminated 4th Quarter Minor League Eliminated 1st Quarter Danger Zone Danger:  X-Ball Tonite Game MVP: Rage  Carats in Kimberly's Engagement Ring: 32 Carrots eaten by bunnies before game: 83 Bunnies eaten by Flowers before game: 26 Dramatic Irony of having Spidikas as Danger Zone Danger (out of 10): 7 Years it will take Pipsqueak to recover through therapy (out of 10): 4 Number of marriage proposals that have taken place inside the X-Ball Arena: 139 On the field (including Rage/Kimberly): 3 Percentage of those marriages that have lasted: 0
Bif: There are two constants in X-Ball, Tad: Death and Marriage. | Tad: That's right, Bif. And we got a little taste of both today. Bif: We sure did. And did you get a gander at the size of that ring? Tad: Ginormous, Bif. Ginormous. I hope one day somebody will give me a ring that size. Bif: Tad, nobody is going to give you a ring. Tad: Are you saying I'm not marriage material? Bif: No, Tad, I'm saying men don't get rings, they give them. Tad: But I want one. Bif: And the Reptiles really wanted to win this one, didn't they, Tad? Tad: Is it because I'm ugly? Is that it? Is that why no one will love me? Bif: Err... The Monkeys are content with where they are in the ranking, but it seems like this season is going to come down to a push between the Snowmen and the Reptiles, barring any unforseen accidents. Tad: My life is a vast field of pain. Bif: Tad, that is the most complicated sentence I've ever heard you say. Tad: Thanks, Tad. Bif: I'm Bif. You're Tad. Tad: Oh. Excerpted from Game Commentary broadcast by X-Ball Tonite May 6, 2001, all rights reserved.
05.06.01 - Reptiles 2 Da Maxx celebrated two victories this past Sunday: their first X-Ball win of the season; and Rage's victory over independence when he succesfully proposed to Bunny Pickin' Flowers team player, Kimberly.
| The game began with the immediate elimination of the Minor League team, Sexy, Sexy Pirates. The team, which had been lounging around on Monster Island for the past two months waiting for the Hemophiliacs to die, found death waiting for them as well. Within minutes of play being declared, the Sexy, Sexy Pirates had managed to impale each other on their own swords. The next quarter began with Rage, Pipsqueak, Kimberly, and Links circling the Danger Zone. Pipsqueak broke for the ball first, activating the Danger Zone Danger: Spidikas. His mind filled with visions of the Spidikas who had "taken advantage" of him only weeks before, the invalid Snowman ran directly out of the Danger Zone, leaving it open for the other three. Rage and Kimberly were busy, however, as Rage had pulled out a ginormous diamond ring! There, in front of the assembled fans, and a group of cooing Bunny Pickin' Flowers, Rage asked longtime sweetheart Kimberly to marry him. And she said yes! Isn't that the sweetest thing ever? Meanwhile, Links grabbed the X-Ball and scored on the unprotected Flowers' goal. The Flowers seemed unphased by this, and promptly exited the field. It was now down to the Monkeys, the Snowmen, and the Reptiles. With the Snowmen mentally unable to approach the Danger Zone, Links grabbed the X-Ball and passed it to teammate Puck. Puck headed for Snowman's land, intent on scoring on the frozen Snowmen. The approaching Monkey broke the ice, however, and D.O.T.C.O.M.M. tackled Puck, forcing the X-Ball from his hands, and into the grip of fellow teammate Redd. Redd, now in control of the ball, needed to get across the Danger Zone to score on one of the opposing teams. Pipsqueak and Coolboard Luke flanked the crimson commando, and pushed into the Danger Zone. The Spidikas approached from all sides, their hairy limbs grasping for snowy flesh. Luke and Pipsqueak managed to hold them at bay, while Redd ran straight across the Danger Zone area. Redd dodged past Links and Hoops, punched Starr in the face, and slammed the X-Ball right into the Monkeys goal. The crowd went wild. The Snowmen were now in the fourth quarter, had held back their enemies the Spidikas, and made their first goal of the season. Nothing could stop them, except for the Reptiles, who did. As the Snowmen stood around congratulating each other, the recently engaged Rage grabbed the X-Ball, passed it to Pain, who pushed past the shocked Snowmen and scored. In return for the win, the Reptiles will be getting half as many beatings tonight, which should make them very pleased. The next game will be played June 2. |