FINALS GAME #1 WINNERS:

"I dedicate this win to my homies," says Luke

On this crisp September morning, the stands were packed with fans, the fans were packed with hot dogs, and the hot dogs were packed with nitrites. After a rousing rendition of the Monster Island Anthem, the Extreme Snowmen took the stage to pump up the crowd with a pulse-pounding performance by of their new single, Snowman Party (Is Ice).

When the crowd was properly pumped beyond human comprehension, the teams took the field. The first surprise of the night was the appearance of the Minor League team, The Cast of the WB's Popular! These telegenic teens got cancelled by the WB Brass, but they were back to kick some X-Ball booty!

After the Reptiles 2 Da Maxx tore off their well-coifed heads, Rage approached the Danger Zone. Clearly, filled with bloodlust from losing fiance Kimberly, the Reptile was ready for action. What he wasn't ready for was the Danger: Bob, the Bashful, Blood-Filled Blog Blob.

While Rage found himself trapped in a discussion of Star Trek web-sites with the corpulent Blob, Pipsqueak pushed passed Puck to grab the X-Ball. Leaping over the Monkey, he shuffled past the Monkey's defenses, and straight into the fans' hearts.

And man are those fans hearts big. They eat a lot of hot dogs. And I mean a LOT. Like, thousands. It would be totally gross, too, if all the money from hot dog sales didn't go to the Monster Island Beef Council, which is an awesomely worthy cause. Beef: You're eating it right now!

In the third quarter, the Reptiles 2 Da Maxx attempted an intense rescue of their compadre, Rage, who was still locked in heated discussion with Bob, the Bashful, Blood-Filled Blog Blob. Meanwhile, the Flowers, unsure how to proceed without Kimberly (their Danger Zone line-flower), viciously attacked the Snowmen.

D.O.T.C.O.M.M. surveyed the chaotic X-Ball Playing Field. He paused, then slowly pulled out a portable stereo, or boom box if you will. With one twig, he clicked play.

The sounds of Bodyrock by Moby filled the X-Ball Arena, and a roar ripped through the crowd. D.O.T.C.O.M.M. was about to get biz-ay.

Joined by Redd, the two Snowmen engaged in heated battle with the Flowers. This allowed Pipsqueak to pass the ball to Coolboard Luke. Luke slammed the ball into the Flowers goal, eliminating the Flowers from the game.

Tired of Bob, the Bashful, Blood-Filled Blog Blob's intense discussionary powers, Pain and Instinct smashed the Blob, freeing Rage from his spell, and splashing blood all over the field. It also stunned the Reptiles long enough for Luke to plant another goal, winning the game for the Snowmen!

The crowd erupted into a fierce roar, and the Snowmen once again took the stage to present their second single: Ain't Nothin' But a Snow Thang. It wasn't as good as the first song, so everybody left.

Will the Snowmen win another game? Will there be more exciting guest stars? Are we just getting started? Possibly, Oh yeah, and HECK YEAH!!!!!*

*Those are the answers the questions posed, in order.